


POI Star Trek Crossover

by whomii2



Series: POI crossovers [26]
Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack Crossover, Crossover, Gen, Stealth Crossover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-01
Updated: 2014-09-01
Packaged: 2018-01-21 11:32:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1549043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whomii2/pseuds/whomii2
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The adventures of the crew of the USS Ernest Thornhill</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The crew

The smaller Miranda-class starships were the work horses of the Federation fleet. With their modular design, they could be outfitted to serve as science vessels, patrol ships, and supply vessels.

They had an assigned crew size of 26-35, with temporary assignments as needed depending on a given mission.

They performed a vital role in creating a living connection between the planets in their patrol area, and providing protection from space pirates or incursions by enemies of the Federation, such as Romulans or rogue Klingons.

They weren’t as flashy as the larger ships such as the Constitution class and their smaller size and crew complement meant fewer amenities were available on board. Most fleet personnel viewed them as a stepping stone to assignment on a larger vessel, but some took pride in their job of looking after the planets and space stations in their patrol areas and were on board for the long haul. And those that served on these smaller ships in some of the more troublesome “hot spots” were a special breed of crazy...

John Reese had taken an unusual path to Captain of the USS Ernest Thornhill. He used to wear the red of Security. He had been proud to protect his fellow crew mates and to fight when necessary the enemies of the federation. But when things went FUBAR he found that he preferred to be the one making the decisions and taking responsibility for his men. During a previous posting he had taken command during a firefight, when few others remained alive on the bridge. He had been able to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat with some brilliant but unorthodox tactics. When the battered ship had limped back to base he had been able to parlay his success into a promotion and a captaincy.

Other members of the permanent crew also had unusual histories. Lieutenant Shaw had traded the blue of Medical for the Gold of Command in the tactical position. But her medical training was invaluable for away missions. 

Commander Finch wore the blue of Sciences and was the closest they had to a Science Officer, although he spent most of his time acting as Communications Officer. He was also the closest thing they had to a diplomat, being one of the few command crew with manners.

Lieutenant Commander Carter at the helm could be counted on to steer a steady course both on the bridge or on an away mission, where she always had the Captain's back. Her service in Starfleet guaranteed her son a full scholarship at the academy if he so chose and the length of her posting ensured a stipend was paid to her mother while Carter was deployed in space. Since she incurred no living expenses while on board, she could also send most of her pay home to her family.

Chief Engineer Fusco was a bit of a maverick, but most of the best engineers were a little odd. He had undergone a bitter divorce with little chance to see his son. He often complained that he had not only lost his shirt and his son but even the planet Earth to his Ex. He had fled to space to lick his wounds, and had gotten into a bit of trouble with alleged black market smuggling although no charges had ever been proven. Reese had decided the man's steady valor during some hairy situations and his talent in engineering were sufficient to earn him a second chance aboard the Ernest Thornhill.

Ensign Be'ar was a Canid and was the head of security. His appearance as something like a 7-foot tall wolfman with dreadlocks and an attitude was quite intimidating and useful for his role. The only drawback to his posting was that Canids were a mostly non-verbal race, communicating primarily through body language and a type of sign-language that could only be conveyed in rudimentary form by the universal translator. Reese had served with Canids before, and had admired their loyalty, dedication, and general badass-ness. He was therefore familiar with a number of the hand-signs used by the species. Finch had also made it a point to know the languages of all non-human members serving aboard ship if they were not already part of his extensive repertoire. So Be'ar was often assigned to duty on the bridge where he could converse in his own language. The other officers also began to learn some of the signs so that they could communicate with him better themselves. A side benefit of having the Canid serve aboard was that he kept the pest population under control. No one wanted to deal with a tribble infestation!

Their Chief Medical Officer was an Emergency Medical Hologram self identified as “Nathan.” The EMH seemed to have been programmed with a genial good old boy personality to help put his patients at ease (at least the human ones). 

The crew complement wasn’t large enough to require assignment of a Counselor, but oddly enough Fusco started to fill that role. He had of course established the traditional unofficial still in Engineering, which became a natural gathering place off duty and drew those with problems or personal turmoil like a magnet. Lionel was always happy to chat while sharing some drinks and people often found themselves unburdening themselves after a round or two (the strength of the hooch might have also played a part in that).


	2. Captain's Chair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reese is uncomfortable...

Sometimes captaining a Star ship could be a bit boring.

The crew was quiet as they ran system checks while en route to deliver supplies to a science outpost.

But the Captain didn’t have a workstation to do diagnostics on, so all Reese had to occupy himself was staring at the view-screen and catching up on his “paper” work. He shifted slightly in his seat, trying not to squirm and mentally cursing whoever kitted out the ship with one of the older model blocky Captain's chairs. It was impressive and throne-like, but also exceedingly uncomfortable. He had sat on rocks that were more relaxing. Reese would have preferred to pace the bridge, but had been told that was too distracting for the crew. 

He tried to refrain from drumming his fingers on the arm of the chair, as it wouldn't do to launch a photon torpedo because he was bored. Might improve his mood though, although Shaw would get on his case later since blowing stuff up was technically her job. 

Reese shifted again and caught Finch eying him disapprovingly. Harold was observant and very little escaped his attention. He had noted the Captain's problem in the past and had taken steps to address it. Reese winced as he saw Harold silently mouth “Use the cushion.” The memory-foam ergonomic cushion was indeed comfy, and while Reese might indulge on his desk chair in the privacy of his quarters, no way was he going to Captain a star-ship sitting on something that made him look like he had hemorrhoids.

Although too much time in this damn chair might make that condition a reality.


	3. Be Prepared

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finch tries to help the crew expect the unexpected

Finch was something of a worrier, and liked to make sure they were prepared for anything they might encounter in their explorations. Reese agreed on principal and so they established a weekly time for the bridge staff to go over some of the more esoteric cases encountered by Starfleet and to brainstorm methods of being ready for similar situations.

When they first started Reese thought Finch was making some of these things up, except he checked the official logs and found that in some cases Finch downplayed the incidents. John thanked all the deities on all the planets that he had never been assigned duty on the Enterprise. He would take a firefight against overwhelming odds over dealing with some of that looniness any day. His away mission mantra on the matter led to some confusion and earned him the unusual nickname Captain John “just shoot me” Reese.

The unofficial “weekly preparedness meetings” were held in the formal conference room they used for diplomatic meetings, which had the elegant faux wood table and the cushy swivel chairs. In addition to the in-room replicator, it was the location of the deluxe coffee maker that could brew fresh pots or also create cappuccinos or espressos. Even though the beans used in the brewing were themselves replicated, everyone agreed that the coffee from that machine just tasted so much better than coffee from the replicators. Even Finch would indulge in a mug instead of his usual tea. And the smell of the brewing coffee put everyone in a good mood....before having to listen to the types of horrors they might encounter.

Ensign Be'ar from security had initially been in charge of guarding the refreshments, that is until it was discovered he was responsible for a number of the donuts going missing.

Nathan was unable to leave sickbay and so would participate via view-screen, debating with Finch the probabilities of someone contracting some of the more esoteric diseases and conditions. (Fusco insisted all probability calculations should be increased by a factor of 5, “because that is just our luck”)

They all agreed that the likelihood of any of the command crew encountering a salt monster shape-shifted as one of their exes was pretty small. Fusco grumped that his Ex “might suck out your soul, your will to live, and any small measure of happiness you might find in this existence, but salt? Not so much.” Still, Finch with Nathan's backing insisted they include salt packets with their away mission paraphernalia. At least they were useful for sprinkling on alien cuisine that was too bland.

They were all a bit traumatized by the “unexpected transformation” discussion session. Apparently they ran the risk of being turned into small animals. A heated debate over what animal erupted. Finch and Shaw were obvious cat people while Reese and Fusco were definitely dogs. Each group then made a case for having Carter on their “team”, although everyone had to concede that there was a good chance Finch might end up as some type of avian. There was a brief moment of silence when they all contemplated the possibility of Be'ar becoming a human.

Things degenerated further when they learned that they could be also be de-aged. Carter and Fusco argued that as parents their experience should in fact exempt them from duty rather than making them the ideal babysitters. Finch reassured John gravely that he was aware of appropriate state-of-the-art diapering techniques and could instruct Reese and Shaw if it became necessary (Everyone ignored Shaw's muttered “over my dead body, or preferably someone else's”)

They wished they had something stronger than coffee available when the issue of gender-swapping was raised. Although no one felt comfortable complaining too much for fear of how their shipmates of the opposite sex might react. (Everyone privately thought that Fusco would make an extremely ugly woman. And no one was quite certain of Be'ar's current gender, so weren't sure they would be able to tell if it changed) 

The women laughed themselves sick at Reese and Fusco's reaction when Finch delicately brought up the subject of male pregnancy. 

There was a bit of squabbling when Finch suggested they all partner up in a “buddy system” in the event a fake marriage became diplomatically necessary, in order to decrease the risk of confusion. He also suggested designated alternates, pinch hitters, or add-ons in case the aliens to be fooled were more into threesomes or moresomes. Everyone wanted to be sure they had the most convenient partner possible as room-sharing was likely to be part of the scenario (Fusco snored horribly but Shaw farted in her sleep, although no one was inclined to share that little tid-bit with her. Instead they attributed their reticence to partner up with her down to the number of weapons she took to bed. They conveniently didn’t mention that Reese's overnight bags tended to include just as many). Finch primed everyone to jump in to Reese's defense as he deemed the Captain most likely to need the protection of a fake relationship and also the one most likely to freeze up when propositioned, but Shaw and Carter quietly made a pact to watch Finch's back when he went planet-side, as they didn’t want any alien hussies getting their claws/tentacles/random appendages into their sweat little Commander who at times was too polite for his own good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was going to start each section with an excerpt from the relevant ship's logs. But that didn't seem to work with the flow of the story. So below the 2 Excerpts I got around to writing before I scrapped the idea:
> 
> Excerpt from First Officer Spock's Log: after being informed that the bridge crew had inexplicably and spontaneously switched genders CMO, McCoy immediately hyposprayed the Captain with as many contraceptives agents as he could obtain. He claimed that if he had had a chastity belt available he would have used it, as he was certain that the captain would “take his new body out for a spin” without consideration of the possible consequences. Knowing the Captain as I do, I feel I must concur with his reasoning.
> 
> Excerpt from First Officer Spock's Log: In his defense, CMO McCoy claims to have been lulled into a false sense of security after the captain returned to being male. He stated that he should have known that if any man could defy all laws of logic and biology and gotten himself pregnant it would be Kirk. Again, I find I must concur with his reasoning.


	4. Marriage of (In)Convenience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Diplomacy demands a wedding...

It was on Viridia Prime that Reese finally put his foot in it and ended up betrothed to Finch. Harold quickly enlisted Carter and Shaw as his bridal party, leaving Fusco the position of best man by default. Finch seemed to be taking his unexpected engagement calmly, busily discussing color schemes and floral arrangements with the ladies while Reese and Fusco hung out at the alien equivalent of a mini bar in the guest suite the aliens had provided them. The planning was interrupted by a delivery. When Finch opened the box and carefully removed the satin wedding gown, Reese put his foot in his mouth again by blurting out “You're not really going to wear that, are you?”

Reese found himself the recipient of 3 angry glares, while Finch remarked dangerously “Are you implying I am not worthy of wearing white?”

Reese was still floundering for something to say as that had in fact been the last thing he had been worrying about, when Finch continued “As the 'bride' it is of course my choice as to the ceremony we will undergo, and I have been thinking that the Bentaxian ritual where the groom is coated in feathers and syrup and spends the entire proceedings standing on one leg while balancing a plate on his head is particularly symbolic.” Reese took that as the threat it was and decided to keep quiet.

Fusco snorted and said “Hey you could make things a helluva lot easier on us if you went with a traditional Betazoid wedding and we all went naked.”

The three glares intensified and shifted to the hapless Engineer, while Finch replied “Or I could opt for a Pridonian ceremony, which requires the removal of ALL body hair from the groom and his attendants. I believe hot wax is involved, even in more ...sensitive areas.”

“I am sure you will look lovely in white” Reese said, before he and Fusco beat a strategic retreat back to the mini bar.

It should be no surprise that the Captain was right, as Finch had somehow managed to tailor the dress so that it appeared to be both tasteful and elegant on his shorter frame. Carter looked lovely in a long lavender gown, and Shaw wore a little black dress that left little to the imagination. If it was a rather unorthodox outfit for a flower girl, Reese had by this point learned to keep his mouth shut.


	5. Sex Pollen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Weekly Preparedness Meetings continue...

As a respected Communications Officer and an unparalleled snoop, Commander Finch had access to a number of the un-sanitized versions of log entries for some of the more ...unusual Starfleet missions. He would share some of the highlights at their Weekly Preparedness Meeting. 

In the case of the Federation, truth really was stranger than fiction. Reese supposed that for the sake of their dignity the admiralty weren't too keen on the public knowing just how many away missions degenerated into orgies due to the presence of alien sex pollen. 

Fusco voiced the opinion that enrollment at the academy would probably increase if the public caught wind of those rumors.

“That might explain Leon's enlistment” Finch mused thoughtfully.

“Was why I joined” Be'ar (who's name in his own language roughly translated as 'Sexy Beast') thought glumly to himself as he bit into a doughnut. Sadly, his Starfleet career so far had been woefully lacking in spontaneous orgies. Except for that one time....


	6. Be on Guard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The USS Ernest Thornhill rescues another vessel in trouble. They aren't sure what to make of the other crew

Diverting course in response to a distress call, they found themselves rescuing a rather motley crew of individuals and their disabled space ship. As the edge of Federation territory currently patrolled by the USS Ernest Thornhill was populated as much by pirates and smugglers as by merchant vessels and other legitimate travelers, it was difficult to determine if their space castaways were innocent victims or more sinister perpetrators. Captain Reese thought it best in the circumstances to assign members of his crew to keep an eye on their temporary guests. Chief Engineer Fusco was excused as he would be busy supervising repairs to their damaged ship. Lieutenant Commander Carter scowled at Reese and declared that she had to do enough babysitting with her own crew, and volunteered to man the bridge while the others were occupied with the visitors. So Reese had the rest of his bridge staff present in the transporter room when the strangers beamed aboard.

Yeoman Leon started things off on the wrong foot when he made a pass at the green woman, mistaking her for an Orian slave girl. Her slap in response to the insult didn’t quite manage to wipe the leer off of his face, although it did nearly break his jaw. After the mixed group made a hasty trip to sickbay to have Leon set to rights, Reese decided to leave the green woman in the company of their Chief Medical Officer. If Nathan's charm with the ladies didn't keep the woman in question mollified, the fact that he was in fact an Emergency Medical Hologram would mean that he would remain undamaged if he provoked her.

Reese was initially thinking of pairing the raccoon-like being with Ensign Be'ar, but instead the small mammal seemed to hit it off with Lieutenant Shaw. The pair happily retreated to the armory, where they had a grand time discussing explosives and blasting things with various pulsar weapons.

The Thornhill crew was surprised when they learned the small twig in a pot was actually sentient. Commander Finch was disappointed to find that its conversational repertoire seemed to consist of a single sentence, as the Communications/Science Officer had never had the chance to speak with a plant before (well, not and have the plant reply). So instead Finch spent the duration of the visitors' stay discussing philosophy and literature with the large tattooed man while they both enjoyed tea and crumpets.

Fortunately Ensign Be'ar, who spoke even less than the plant, had no trouble understanding and making himself understood by the small shrub. The two also seemed to share an appreciation for the erstwhile Star Lord's taste in old Earth music. While checking up on his counterpart, Reese found the three of them in the conference room gyrating wildly to some rather strange sounds and a repetitive chorus of “ooh babies.” Citing important duties elsewhere, Reese made a hasty escape when challenged by the other Captain to a “dance off.”

As he fled back to the bridge, John thought to himself that these strangers were all crazy – and he wasn’t sure what it meant that his own crew got along so well with them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guardians of the Galaxy sneak crossover


End file.
